「No, it was rumored to be an infinite ladder—once you stepped on, you couldn't step off, though if you figured out how to do that then you'd become like a god... Obviously, that wasn't true. We landed in a literal ghost town beneath the city—it was really creepy? Xiaolang said he felt spirits and things like that...」
[ brr. he shivers just thinking about it. ]
「I didn't break anything, don't worry. Just had a lot of bruises... and a split lip... and things like that, from getting kicked in the face and fallen on... I was the first one down the ladder since Ayano buttered me up to it. I don't regret it, since it worked out really well, and she was really sweet about it...~? But still.」[ ah, right. ]「Xiaolang's a middle schooler who was in my group, and Ayano's a senior at the high school I met at a winter festival in December... She was really cute then, too. We watched fireworks together for a little while.」
「Aww, is my little Tsuka getting crushes already~? C'mere, c'mere, tell me allll about this Ayano girl~.」
[and he's absolutely dragging tsukasa closer, ruffling his hair. that all sounds really... worrying, dangerous, fun; leo is partially glad to hear about his little brother getting out so much, but he also doesn't like it one bit. their... his parents would have an aneurysm. so that's great.]
「I-It's not like that! Ayano's, um... I mean, I like Ayano, she's very nice, but, I—」
[ it's not like that, it really isn't, but he's flustered anyway and he buries his face into his hands. ]
「It would be easier though,」[ he continues after a moment, voice slightly muffled by the hands over his mouth, ]「if she was who I was crushing on. She's sweet and she wants to look out for me... Not that the person I like doesn't, but—...」
[ tsukasa trails off, eyes lidded, and he sighs. anya's still cute; anya's still friendly. anya hasn't changed intrinsically even if everything else has, being off the app, but there's still a weird disconnect and distance now that he gets blank looks about this or that due to it. he'd noticed it with mafuyu, when she dropped off of it, and it wasn't like it was any better, but with her...
he's had the thought that maybe he could confess now, but it isn't right. it wouldn't be right. she probably still doesn't like turning people down, and she definitely would to him. ]
「It's difficult? Let's say that, Leonii. I feel like Ayano's the type of person to be dating someone anyway, she's that cute... Ah, I have a picture, hold on.」[ her contact icon!! in his phone. she's super cute. here leo. ]「And nice and funny and kind of pushy, but not in a bad way. Kind of in a big sis way? Honestly, she kind of reminded me of you when we were kids.」
[leo already knows it's not ayano he's crushing on, but he's kind of disappointed tsukasa isn't jumping at the chance to talk about anya? maybe it's just because he doesn't want his big brother to tease him. because he would and he knows this.
he looks at the icon and hums pleasantly, cuddling his brother more.]
「You're still a kid, though~? But I'm glad, I'm glad! She sounds like the kinda girl I'd get along with~. Who is the person you've got it bad for? I can already tell you don't think it'll work out, but tell me anyway!」
[your big brother's got a lot of experience in things that don't work out, after all..♪]
「So Leonii really did become psychic while he was in Japan~?」
[ ...ahh, mmm. he leans into the cuddle, closing his eyes. the person he likes.. ]
「Her name's Anya—Anastasia Vasilieva. When she was on the app, she had hair like starlight... Her hair's still pretty light now, and she still looks super pretty, and she's still kind and thoughtful... Her accent's gone—um, it's hard to explain, but apparently her past life... or however that works out, she didn't speak English or Japanese very well, since she was Russian, so Retrospec gave that back to her.」[ a beat, and he smiles lightly. ]「She was self-conscious about it, because it was harder to explain herself and find the right words after that, but I didn't mind. She was so cute with it, and admirable, and I offered to help her out with getting better. I wanted to learn Russian so I could make things easier on her, too, but it's actually really hard...」
[ tsukasa quiets down for a moment, finding her in his contacts and staring her her picture. ]
「She and I are really good friends. Just friends, though. She doesn't think of me in that way, and I told her I had a crush on someone else because I panicked when she asked me about some poetry I was writing anyway... Nazuna told me I shouldn't feel guilty about liking her, but I can't help it. She doesn't like turning down people if she doesn't feel the same way—it really hurts her—so I can't confess? I don't know if I could even do it now that she's not on Retrospec... Even if things worked out like that, it'd be weird to date someone who doesn't recognize how weird things get, wouldn't it?」[ ... ]「And things can get really weird, Leonii.」
「That guy's right, you shouldn't feel guilty about liking someone, even if they don't like you back. They're feelings that bring you happiness, right? You're a good kid as ever though, Tsuka, not wanting to hurt others.」
[there's a lot to address, but he'll start there, resting his chin on tsukasa's head. she is really cute. it's the girl from the live back in december, the one that tsukasa was a backup dancer for, and he recalls her singing easily; pretty, lovely, an idol's voice but with a heart full of love.]
「Mm~. I definitely don't get a lot of the app stuff, but it sounds pretty complicated..? Getting weird things like accents and different colored hair... Almost like we're in some kind of MMO ♪」
[with customization!!!! wow.]
「If it's weird now though, then you definitely shouldn't.」 [how weird was it for nazu and kuro?] 「Ahhh, I've missed my little brother's first love, first heartbreak..! I'm so mad! I wanted to be the one that Tsuka went to for all kinds of advice! I won't forgive Nazu for taking that from me!」
[he shouldn't say nazuna's name so casually like that, but he's comfortable and he's got thoughts on how to explain away if tsukasa asks.]
[ nazu... nazuna? mmm, leonii's always made friends easily; they probably met by chance, and if leo's declaring himself as "tsukinaga"... then, familial familiarity aside, there's no reason for anyone to think they're related. it sounds legitimate to him, so he passes the thought aside and sighs. ]
「One of those things was before even Anya, Leonii~. I'll ask you things now though, promise.」[ nazuna's great and very big brotherly but leonii is leonii!! ]「...Who else have you met since you've been in? Do you have a place to stay? Mmm, you've always been good with people, haven't you..? I remember you having a lot of older friends when you still lived with us...」
「My own little brother, not telling me about his first love, his first heartbreak! I've been away for so long, could it be that Tsuka hates me?! That he won't even answer a simple question like that?! Ah, I'm struck! Struck」
[and for effect, he's uncurling around tsukasa, laying on his back again with a hand to his heart.]
「My heart's on fire! No, it's frozen cold! If only I knew..♪」
「It was two whole weeks and really not that important. I wouldn't really say I had my heart broken either...? It just sort of cooled and now things are just how they are.」[ honestly. ]「You're as dramatic as ever, huh...? Mmm, I'm glad I didn't pick that up from you.」
[oh, that's all. the sort of thing that leo used to fall in to all the time (as if he doesn't a little now). he clings to his little brother again, petting his hair.]
「I have no idea what you're talking about. ♪ Anyway, I've met a lot of people here! And I reunited with Kuro too, one of the older people I hung with. I'm staying with him for now. ♪」
[not... a lie, so.]
「Oh, and I even managed to nab a job! It's part-time work, but it seems like it'll be fun.」
[also not a lie. but it's not the whole truth. he has had it for a good while now and it hasn't been part-time for about as long.]
「Ahh, I see. That's good~. And as expected of the great and charismatic Leonii.」[ ...he's going to sit up, leo can come with him but he's tired of laying on the ground. ]「What kind of job is it? Can I come by? Does it let you do music? I really liked your band, and your covers on Youtube are fun... Sukisan ♪」
「Oho? You found me out~? As expected of my clever little brother, who I used to sing to sleep. ♪
It doesn't let me do music, and really I can't sing when I work since it requires a lot of concentration, but I don't see why you can't come around. ♪ I'm working at a tattoo parlor.」
[ ah, mm... tsukasa leans his head on leo's shoulder, playing with his hands in his lap. ]
「Mmmm... Well, I mean, Mom and Dad have the same hours they always have, except now they can spend more time at the university and all since they don't have to teach me anything... Baba watches the house while we're all gone, too... So I bet you could. She'd be really happy to see you, too. She misses you a lot.」[ ... ]「Don't scare her or anything like that though, okay? Baba's an old woman, you know.」
「I grew up too.」 [quiet, cuddling.] 「It's mostly just appearance, I'm still the same Leonii that gave you piggyback rides and sang you to sleep, who helped you when you didn't get things and found four leaf clovers for you.」
[no, there's a lot of things that's changed about leo, but his love for his brother is just the same.]
[ grew up, too. how long has he wanted to show leo that he's a boy who can stand on his own two feet? that he's grown up, that he can do so much? ...too, though.
sitting like this, leaning against his big brother, he doesn't feel like he's grown up at all. he's just the same shy, in-his-head tsukasa suzakura, who only lights up and lets loose when a topic he loves comes up, who clings to his older brother and doesn't want to let go, who still can't find four leaf clovers on his own.
tsukasa hums softly in acknowledgement and lets the words hang there, mulling it over, before he throws his arms around leo and squeezes as hard as he can. ]
[oof-- oof, he's getting pet and patted and hugged back, pulled closer as he nuzzles the side of tsukasa's head with a laugh.]
「I love you too, Tsuka! I've missed you so, so much, words can't describe it! Ahhh, if only I had my bass..! I'd play my feelings, I'd show you like that, but for now just take your big brother's words to heart, okay?」
[he's not-- he's not crying a little, burying his face into tsukasa's shoulders, his voice is just thick with emotion. he wishes he could apologize to tsukasa. wishes he could say all the things he needs to say. but this is fine for now, the last of his immediate worries fluttering off like torn grass.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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「A boy has to get his scratches every now and then! What's a ladder doing in Hell? Are the demons trying to climb out or something?」
[leo it
isn't actually hell, probably.]
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[ brr. he shivers just thinking about it. ]
「I didn't break anything, don't worry. Just had a lot of bruises... and a split lip... and things like that, from getting kicked in the face and fallen on... I was the first one down the ladder since Ayano buttered me up to it. I don't regret it, since it worked out really well, and she was really sweet about it...~? But still.」[ ah, right. ]「Xiaolang's a middle schooler who was in my group, and Ayano's a senior at the high school I met at a winter festival in December... She was really cute then, too. We watched fireworks together for a little while.」
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[and he's absolutely dragging tsukasa closer, ruffling his hair. that all sounds really... worrying, dangerous, fun; leo is partially glad to hear about his little brother getting out so much, but he also doesn't like it one bit. their... his parents would have an aneurysm. so that's great.]
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[ it's not like that, it really isn't, but he's flustered anyway and he buries his face into his hands. ]
「It would be easier though,」[ he continues after a moment, voice slightly muffled by the hands over his mouth, ]「if she was who I was crushing on. She's sweet and she wants to look out for me... Not that the person I like doesn't, but—...」
[ tsukasa trails off, eyes lidded, and he sighs. anya's still cute; anya's still friendly. anya hasn't changed intrinsically even if everything else has, being off the app, but there's still a weird disconnect and distance now that he gets blank looks about this or that due to it. he'd noticed it with mafuyu, when she dropped off of it, and it wasn't like it was any better, but with her...
he's had the thought that maybe he could confess now, but it isn't right. it wouldn't be right. she probably still doesn't like turning people down, and she definitely would to him. ]
「It's difficult? Let's say that, Leonii. I feel like Ayano's the type of person to be dating someone anyway, she's that cute... Ah, I have a picture, hold on.」[ her contact icon!! in his phone. she's super cute. here leo. ]「And nice and funny and kind of pushy, but not in a bad way. Kind of in a big sis way? Honestly, she kind of reminded me of you when we were kids.」
[ like you're not still one tsukasa lol ]
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he looks at the icon and hums pleasantly, cuddling his brother more.]
「You're still a kid, though~? But I'm glad, I'm glad! She sounds like the kinda girl I'd get along with~. Who is the person you've got it bad for? I can already tell you don't think it'll work out, but tell me anyway!」
[your big brother's got a lot of experience in things that don't work out, after all..♪]
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[ ...ahh, mmm. he leans into the cuddle, closing his eyes. the person he likes.. ]
「Her name's Anya—Anastasia Vasilieva. When she was on the app, she had hair like starlight... Her hair's still pretty light now, and she still looks super pretty, and she's still kind and thoughtful... Her accent's gone—um, it's hard to explain, but apparently her past life... or however that works out, she didn't speak English or Japanese very well, since she was Russian, so Retrospec gave that back to her.」[ a beat, and he smiles lightly. ]「She was self-conscious about it, because it was harder to explain herself and find the right words after that, but I didn't mind. She was so cute with it, and admirable, and I offered to help her out with getting better. I wanted to learn Russian so I could make things easier on her, too, but it's actually really hard...」
[ tsukasa quiets down for a moment, finding her in his contacts and staring her her picture. ]
「She and I are really good friends. Just friends, though. She doesn't think of me in that way, and I told her I had a crush on someone else because I panicked when she asked me about some poetry I was writing anyway... Nazuna told me I shouldn't feel guilty about liking her, but I can't help it. She doesn't like turning down people if she doesn't feel the same way—it really hurts her—so I can't confess? I don't know if I could even do it now that she's not on Retrospec... Even if things worked out like that, it'd be weird to date someone who doesn't recognize how weird things get, wouldn't it?」[ ... ]「And things can get really weird, Leonii.」
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[there's a lot to address, but he'll start there, resting his chin on tsukasa's head. she is really cute. it's the girl from the live back in december, the one that tsukasa was a backup dancer for, and he recalls her singing easily; pretty, lovely, an idol's voice but with a heart full of love.]
「Mm~. I definitely don't get a lot of the app stuff, but it sounds pretty complicated..? Getting weird things like accents and different colored hair... Almost like we're in some kind of MMO ♪」
[with customization!!!! wow.]
「If it's weird now though, then you definitely shouldn't.」 [how weird was it for nazu and kuro?] 「Ahhh, I've missed my little brother's first love, first heartbreak..! I'm so mad! I wanted to be the one that Tsuka went to for all kinds of advice! I won't forgive Nazu for taking that from me!」
[he shouldn't say nazuna's name so casually like that, but he's comfortable and he's got thoughts on how to explain away if tsukasa asks.]
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「One of those things was before even Anya, Leonii~. I'll ask you things now though, promise.」[ nazuna's great and very big brotherly but leonii is leonii!! ]「...Who else have you met since you've been in? Do you have a place to stay? Mmm, you've always been good with people, haven't you..? I remember you having a lot of older friends when you still lived with us...」
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「More to the point, which one was it? First love or first heartbreak?」
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「I had questions first though?」
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[and for effect, he's uncurling around tsukasa, laying on his back again with a hand to his heart.]
「My heart's on fire! No, it's frozen cold! If only I knew..♪」
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「It was two whole weeks and really not that important. I wouldn't really say I had my heart broken either...? It just sort of cooled and now things are just how they are.」[ honestly. ]「You're as dramatic as ever, huh...? Mmm, I'm glad I didn't pick that up from you.」
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i'm fucking wheezing]no subject
「I have no idea what you're talking about. ♪ Anyway, I've met a lot of people here! And I reunited with Kuro too, one of the older people I hung with. I'm staying with him for now. ♪」
[not... a lie, so.]
「Oh, and I even managed to nab a job! It's part-time work, but it seems like it'll be fun.」
[also not a lie. but it's not the whole truth. he has had it for a good while now and it hasn't been part-time for about as long.]
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「Ahh, I see. That's good~. And as expected of the great and charismatic Leonii.」[ ...he's going to sit up, leo can come with him but he's tired of laying on the ground. ]「What kind of job is it? Can I come by? Does it let you do music? I really liked your band, and your covers on Youtube are fun... Sukisan ♪」
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「Oho? You found me out~? As expected of my clever little brother, who I used to sing to sleep. ♪
It doesn't let me do music, and really I can't sing when I work since it requires a lot of concentration, but I don't see why you can't come around. ♪ I'm working at a tattoo parlor.」
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「But that requires you to be able to draw, Leonii?」
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you are getting a hell of a noogie.]
「I've improved, Tsuka! Seriously! Besides, it doesn't matter how good or bad you are at drawing as long as you've got a style and you stick with it!」
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「I-If you say say, Leonii!」[ he's wiggling please stop... ]
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[gosh. but it'll slow to a gentle pet instead, leaning against his brother.]
「Think I could sneak in and see Baba? I miss her as much as I missed you.」
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「Mmmm... Well, I mean, Mom and Dad have the same hours they always have, except now they can spend more time at the university and all since they don't have to teach me anything... Baba watches the house while we're all gone, too... So I bet you could. She'd be really happy to see you, too. She misses you a lot.」[ ... ]「Don't scare her or anything like that though, okay? Baba's an old woman, you know.」
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「Think she'd be scared of... You know.」
[a gesture to himself. appearance.]
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「Maybe take out a few piercings.」[ there is quite. you know. ]「...You really changed, didn't you? Leonii.」
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[no, there's a lot of things that's changed about leo, but his love for his brother is just the same.]
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sitting like this, leaning against his big brother, he doesn't feel like he's grown up at all. he's just the same shy, in-his-head tsukasa suzakura, who only lights up and lets loose when a topic he loves comes up, who clings to his older brother and doesn't want to let go, who still can't find four leaf clovers on his own.
tsukasa hums softly in acknowledgement and lets the words hang there, mulling it over, before he throws his arms around leo and squeezes as hard as he can. ]
「I love you, Leonii.」
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「I love you too, Tsuka! I've missed you so, so much, words can't describe it! Ahhh, if only I had my bass..! I'd play my feelings, I'd show you like that, but for now just take your big brother's words to heart, okay?」
[he's not-- he's not crying a little, burying his face into tsukasa's shoulders, his voice is just thick with emotion. he wishes he could apologize to tsukasa. wishes he could say all the things he needs to say. but this is fine for now, the last of his immediate worries fluttering off like torn grass.]
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