「How gracious...」[ kuahhh. ...he doesn't think he's been cuddled so much in his entire life. well, him and hinata hug a lot, so that's kind of the same... ]「Ahaha... I guess I'm looking forward to it, then.」
leo shifts, resting his head on tsukasa's shoulder, squeezing him tighter.] 「Hey, Tsuka, when I get my own place... Do you wanna live with me? It won't be any time soon, but...」
his (their) parents wouldn't agree. they'd want to see him dorming at the university, staying with them until he has the means to support himself on his own otherwise... he can't even imagine them liking him living with hinata, if that was an option in the future. and they don't dislike his best friend, entirely. ]
「I can't.」[ that's the truth of it. even if it's no time soon... but it isn't a "i don't want to" it's just he can't, and he knows leo knows why— ]「Sorry, Leonii.」
[ that's not untrue. tsukasa snuggles into the tighter hold, thinking about their parents, and peeks up at him a little. ]
「They've softened up a little as I got older.」[ and it became apparent he wasn't going the way of his brother. ]「In some ways, at least... Sometimes it feels like they haven't, and they've just gotten more creative so they can compromise with me.」
[ something he hasn't really told anyone, something he'd only tell leo. ]
「I can work at the stables, but only if I study twice as hard as before. I can become a veterinarian, since it's a respectable job, as long as I keep watercolors to a hobby. I can go to public school, but my grades have to be perfect every time, and they still have to be perfect for home's pop quizzes, too. I can attend a club and I can hang out with friends after school, but I can't stay over unless I tell them days in advance.」[ tsukasa recounts them all with the quiet resignation of someone who'd do anything to keep the little bits of freedom he's been given. ]「No pets, because they're a distraction, but the stables keep me happy enough. Academia still has to be an option for me, and Mom's happy that she's winning out between her and Dad since I enjoy literature more than history... for whatever that's worth. No talking to my older brother, because he's a bad influence.」
[ ...ha. ]
「They don't know I've been doing that for years anyway.」[ rebellion, but a soft one. ]「They'd be really mad if they knew... I've been really careful about it. I used to offer to go to the store for this and that when I wanted to send you something, and I've always kept my history nice and clean. I keep your pictures printed and in Baba's room, since they never go in there anyway. Neither of them really know your voice, Leonii, so I can listen to your music whenever... but I still usually just do it when they're not at home.」
[ easier like that. safer. tsukasa closes his eyes again. ]
「...It isn't... mmm, they're just strict because they want what's best for me—I know that. Our parents are like that. They want us... they want me to be successful and happy, and not to have any regrets or anything like that, so I don't really fault them...」[ but he still does things like go out when they're not home, obviously. he does things like stay contact with his brother as much as he can in the years he's gone. he takes parts in silly lives, and he holds hands with hinata, and he focuses more and more on art because it's really fun. ]「That's all, I guess.」
[...what kind of life is that, that's so give and take?
that he has to be so resigned to his place in life and taking happiness, taking freedom where he can? letting it be a truly fleeting thing until he goes back to the routine their parents have? one misstep and leo knows they'd clench hard again, pull him from thing he loved one by one, and it burns.
it makes him terribly, terribly sad, and all the more angry for it.]
「They've always been like that, yeah. But at least they're letting you do things.」[a small blessing, burying his face into tsukasa's hair.]「That's an improvement. Small, but there, I guess. Why can't they just be happy and let us make our own mistakes, huh? And just be there when things go wrong instead.」
[ he knows it must burn leo up inside, seeing as it's this kind of thing he ran off from—but he sighs and thinks about the question. is he happy with that? happy enough? ... ]
「I am.」[ most of the time. he wouldn't be talking about it like this if he was completely satisfied, but 'happy enough'. ]「...it could be worse. They could've kept saying no to public schooling, and they could've gotten me a job somewhere closer to home and more respectable than "stablehand". Maybe something with a friend of theirs, so they could keep an eye on me... Things like that. So I'm glad for what I have right now. Retrospec makes it kind of hard sometimes, but they don't notice a lot of the weirder stuff, and February was disguised as a field trip so they didn't berate me for skipping school or anything...」
[... it could be worse. leo thinks of how they clamped down the more he struggled against their drowning presence and the fight that ended it all, that had him walking out and going to japan. he hums softly. displeased, but resigned.]
「That's good. About them not noticing weird stuff. Guess I'll have to get used to that too..~ Be my guide, Tsuka, what sorta things are gonna be weird to your big brother?」
「Most of the really obvious weird stuff's not a thing anymore, like things missing... horses, colors, stuff like that. Mmm, the dancing fruits are still around alongside normal fruits, and that's sort of... Awkward.」
[ he's grateful that he's managed to convince the fam that the non-dancing variety is better. ]
「The most obvious stuff comes during "storms"... Um, that's basically when unreality goes out of whack, or something... Anyway, it makes stuff like mistletoe bats harass you with the timeless classic」"All I Want For Christmas Is You"「until you kiss someone or give someone one of those chocolate kisses or some other out-of-the-box thing... And decorations come to life and try to get you to hang with them... Stuff like that. That's weird, but everyone else who isn't on the app'll think it's normal, and things.」
[that's all weird... he can remember it too, and how normal he acted about it, boasting about the number of people he kissed in december... his poor friends.]
「Sounds like I'll be having fun from now on. ♪ But also, that's a lot of trouble? Poor Tsuka, dealing with it without his older brother. Who'd you kiss?」
「No, that's regretfully still intact...」[ regretfully....... ]「U~m... I kissed Anya and Ritsu-sen... Ritsu on the cheeks, because that's what friends do... and Hinata kissed me three times.」
[ ...hummm. ]
「He asked if I wanted to be a prince or a knight, and when I wondered about the difference he told me just to pick... so I picked prince first, and he kissed my knuckles? And when I wanted to see knight, he kissed my forehead... and I said that it really didn't matter about roles because it was just him doing it anyway, he kissed me on the cheek and then hugged me because that's what he would do, specifically...」
[ ...yeah, hinata's surprisingly smooth, it catches him off-guard a lot— speaking of being caught off-guard. ]
「Yes? Er... Yes.」[ a little more sure, that second time. ]「He's my very best friend... My first real one, too. Um, not that animals can't be real friends, but... You know what I mean. He's really friendly and warm and cheerful, like the sun. And doesn't really have a concept of personal space. Like, at all.」
「Good, good~. You need people like that around. ♪」
[to replace him.]
「I was just thinking that it was pretty romantic sounding. Or, uh...」[hmmmmm--]「Flirty~? The way he asked you, and the way you responded. ♪ Like in one of those dumb romance movies you see on TV.」
「I-It's not like that, really... Hinata's always saying stuff like that, I mean. Compliments and comments about me being a knight and saying he loves me and all...」[ d-i-s-m-i-s-s-i-v-e ]「It's just Hinata being Hinata. It isn't like he's overly interested in that kind of thing anyway either... He likes having friends.」
「Hina being Hina, huh... Okay~. Your big brother won't poke his nose into that too much, since Tsuka seems so sure of it. ♪」
[fuckin lie right there when he gets the chance he's diving nose first into that.]
「Those sorts of people are precious though, you know? They're not that common. They have lots of love in their hearts, but they usually have problems they can't tell anyone too. So you have to step up and be a knight worthy of that person too, Tsuka, though I don't doubt for a second that you can be.」
[though that's more in the sense that "because it's my precious little brother he can do anything" over concrete evidence.]
[ what a liar, leo's never been able to keep his nose out of things
but the second part catches him and he... hums, glancing up at the sky. ah, it really is late, isn't it. ]
「I try to be. He seems so unflappable though, to be honest... Like you, Leonii.」[ siigh. ]「He doesn't even get embarrassed, even though I've been trying re~ally hard to figure out a way to do that to get back for all the time he's embarrassed me... And he never seems to get down, either.
But—I'm still trying. to be a good knight for him. To be someone he can rely on properly, trust properly...」[ tsukasa grows quiet, turning his words over in his mind. ]「...I want to be that for everyone I can be, so that they don't have to resort to desperate measures and such.」
[ so they don't have to leave the country.
it isn't his fault or something he didn't do, he knows, but
「I have the most thoughtful little brother in all the world..~ Everyone's lucky to have Tsuka in their life, I'm deciding that right now -- and nothing you can say will make me take that back!」
[... leo'll play with tsukasa's hair, glancing up at the sky too. he should take his little bro home.]
「Just remember you've got me to fall back on, too, so you don't end up resorting to those measures yourself. I might be the farthest thing from a knight, but no matter what, Tsuka, I'll strive to protect you in any way I can.」
「More than a little, but... Mm, anyway, I should get you home. Even if I'm not from that family anymore, I know they'll worry if you stay out for too long. Especially with a ba~d influence like your runaway of a big brother.」
[not that they know that that's where tsukasa was. he nuzzles into the side of tsukasa's head again.]
「I can walk you far enough, anyway. Sorta wanna see if the neighborhood's changed any.」
[he knows there's been a few things here and there, but. well. can't exactly act that way.]
[ ...they're probably going to get home soon, and they'll expect him to be there. tsukasa siiiiiiiighs, but he's. obviously giving in. he knows, he knows, he's a good son. ]
「There's been a couple of things—do you remember the old granny and gramps that lived on the corner, the ones that put out food for stray cats and gave us candied orange slices in the summer? They moved out of the city a few years ago... They went to live with one of their children, I think.」[ he talks as he stands up, pulling his older brother with him. ...he should. get his snack bag, he'll grab that and return— ]「Mmm, and you probably can't walk this far, but the house next door squished a little pond into their backyard. I think they have koi in there, but I'm not sure.」
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GROANS, BURIES HIS FACE INTO HIS HANDS AGAIN ]
「I did, didn't I......!」
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「Yup~! So you've got noooo reason to complain~! But I'll take it easy on you since it'll be your birthday. ♪ I'll at least make sure you're alone.」
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[ ... ]
「I wish I could hang out with you forever.」
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leo shifts, resting his head on tsukasa's shoulder, squeezing him tighter.] 「Hey, Tsuka, when I get my own place... Do you wanna live with me? It won't be any time soon, but...」
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his (their) parents wouldn't agree. they'd want to see him dorming at the university, staying with them until he has the means to support himself on his own otherwise... he can't even imagine them liking him living with hinata, if that was an option in the future. and they don't dislike his best friend, entirely. ]
「I can't.」[ that's the truth of it. even if it's no time soon... but it isn't a "i don't want to" it's just he can't, and he knows leo knows why— ]「Sorry, Leonii.」
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「It's fine.」[even if it's not.]「After I left, I bet they got twice as hard on you, trying to keep you in line and under their thumb. Sorry.」
[for a lot more than tsukasa can imagine being sorry for.]
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「They've softened up a little as I got older.」[ and it became apparent he wasn't going the way of his brother. ]「In some ways, at least... Sometimes it feels like they haven't, and they've just gotten more creative so they can compromise with me.」
[ something he hasn't really told anyone, something he'd only tell leo. ]
「I can work at the stables, but only if I study twice as hard as before. I can become a veterinarian, since it's a respectable job, as long as I keep watercolors to a hobby. I can go to public school, but my grades have to be perfect every time, and they still have to be perfect for home's pop quizzes, too. I can attend a club and I can hang out with friends after school, but I can't stay over unless I tell them days in advance.」[ tsukasa recounts them all with the quiet resignation of someone who'd do anything to keep the little bits of freedom he's been given. ]「No pets, because they're a distraction, but the stables keep me happy enough. Academia still has to be an option for me, and Mom's happy that she's winning out between her and Dad since I enjoy literature more than history... for whatever that's worth. No talking to my older brother, because he's a bad influence.」
[ ...ha. ]
「They don't know I've been doing that for years anyway.」[ rebellion, but a soft one. ]「They'd be really mad if they knew... I've been really careful about it. I used to offer to go to the store for this and that when I wanted to send you something, and I've always kept my history nice and clean. I keep your pictures printed and in Baba's room, since they never go in there anyway. Neither of them really know your voice, Leonii, so I can listen to your music whenever... but I still usually just do it when they're not at home.」
[ easier like that. safer. tsukasa closes his eyes again. ]
「...It isn't... mmm, they're just strict because they want what's best for me—I know that. Our parents are like that. They want us... they want me to be successful and happy, and not to have any regrets or anything like that, so I don't really fault them...」[ but he still does things like go out when they're not home, obviously. he does things like stay contact with his brother as much as he can in the years he's gone. he takes parts in silly lives, and he holds hands with hinata, and he focuses more and more on art because it's really fun. ]「That's all, I guess.」
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that he has to be so resigned to his place in life and taking happiness, taking freedom where he can? letting it be a truly fleeting thing until he goes back to the routine their parents have? one misstep and leo knows they'd clench hard again, pull him from thing he loved one by one, and it burns.
it makes him terribly, terribly sad, and all the more angry for it.]
「They've always been like that, yeah. But at least they're letting you do things.」[a small blessing, burying his face into tsukasa's hair.]「That's an improvement. Small, but there, I guess. Why can't they just be happy and let us make our own mistakes, huh? And just be there when things go wrong instead.」
[oh, well.]
「Are you happy with that? Happy enough, I guess.」
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「I am.」[ most of the time. he wouldn't be talking about it like this if he was completely satisfied, but 'happy enough'. ]「...it could be worse. They could've kept saying no to public schooling, and they could've gotten me a job somewhere closer to home and more respectable than "stablehand". Maybe something with a friend of theirs, so they could keep an eye on me... Things like that. So I'm glad for what I have right now. Retrospec makes it kind of hard sometimes, but they don't notice a lot of the weirder stuff, and February was disguised as a field trip so they didn't berate me for skipping school or anything...」
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「That's good. About them not noticing weird stuff. Guess I'll have to get used to that too..~ Be my guide, Tsuka, what sorta things are gonna be weird to your big brother?」
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[ he's grateful that he's managed to convince the fam that the non-dancing variety is better. ]
「The most obvious stuff comes during "storms"... Um, that's basically when unreality goes out of whack, or something... Anyway, it makes stuff like mistletoe bats harass you with the timeless classic」"All I Want For Christmas Is You"「until you kiss someone or give someone one of those chocolate kisses or some other out-of-the-box thing... And decorations come to life and try to get you to hang with them... Stuff like that. That's weird, but everyone else who isn't on the app'll think it's normal, and things.」
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「Sounds like I'll be having fun from now on. ♪ But also, that's a lot of trouble? Poor Tsuka, dealing with it without his older brother. Who'd you kiss?」
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[ tsukasa
that is a dead-ass giveaway that you DID ]
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「Oho~? So you did~? Did my little Tsuka give up his first kiss because of a bat~?」
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[ ...hummm. ]
「He asked if I wanted to be a prince or a knight, and when I wondered about the difference he told me just to pick... so I picked prince first, and he kissed my knuckles? And when I wanted to see knight, he kissed my forehead... and I said that it really didn't matter about roles because it was just him doing it anyway, he kissed me on the cheek and then hugged me because that's what he would do, specifically...」
[ . . . ]
「He's a handful, but I don't mind that, really.」
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「Wow~. How smooth, how smooth! I'm gonna use that on someone too. ♪ Kids are so amazing these days...
... But hey, Tsuka, you sure you two are just friends?」
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「Yes? Er... Yes.」[ a little more sure, that second time. ]「He's my very best friend... My first real one, too. Um, not that animals can't be real friends, but... You know what I mean. He's really friendly and warm and cheerful, like the sun. And doesn't really have a concept of personal space. Like, at all.」
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[to replace him.]
「I was just thinking that it was pretty romantic sounding. Or, uh...」[hmmmmm--]「Flirty~? The way he asked you, and the way you responded. ♪ Like in one of those dumb romance movies you see on TV.」
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「I-It's not like that, really... Hinata's always saying stuff like that, I mean. Compliments and comments about me being a knight and saying he loves me and all...」[ d-i-s-m-i-s-s-i-v-e ]「It's just Hinata being Hinata. It isn't like he's overly interested in that kind of thing anyway either... He likes having friends.」
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[fuckin lie right there when he gets the chance he's diving nose first into that.]
「Those sorts of people are precious though, you know? They're not that common. They have lots of love in their hearts, but they usually have problems they can't tell anyone too. So you have to step up and be a knight worthy of that person too, Tsuka, though I don't doubt for a second that you can be.」
[though that's more in the sense that "because it's my precious little brother he can do anything" over concrete evidence.]
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but the second part catches him and he... hums, glancing up at the sky. ah, it really is late, isn't it. ]
「I try to be. He seems so unflappable though, to be honest... Like you, Leonii.」[ siigh. ]「He doesn't even get embarrassed, even though I've been trying re~ally hard to figure out a way to do that to get back for all the time he's embarrassed me... And he never seems to get down, either.
But—I'm still trying. to be a good knight for him. To be someone he can rely on properly, trust properly...」[ tsukasa grows quiet, turning his words over in his mind. ]「...I want to be that for everyone I can be, so that they don't have to resort to desperate measures and such.」
[ so they don't have to leave the country.
it isn't his fault or something he didn't do, he knows, but
but
still. ]
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[... leo'll play with tsukasa's hair, glancing up at the sky too. he should take his little bro home.]
「Just remember you've got me to fall back on, too, so you don't end up resorting to those measures yourself. I might be the farthest thing from a knight, but no matter what, Tsuka, I'll strive to protect you in any way I can.」
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a heartbeat. two. ]
「Of course, Leonii. You have some lost time to make up for, after all.」
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[not that they know that that's where tsukasa was. he nuzzles into the side of tsukasa's head again.]
「I can walk you far enough, anyway. Sorta wanna see if the neighborhood's changed any.」
[he knows there's been a few things here and there, but. well. can't exactly act that way.]
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「There's been a couple of things—do you remember the old granny and gramps that lived on the corner, the ones that put out food for stray cats and gave us candied orange slices in the summer? They moved out of the city a few years ago... They went to live with one of their children, I think.」[ he talks as he stands up, pulling his older brother with him. ...he should. get his snack bag, he'll grab that and return— ]「Mmm, and you probably can't walk this far, but the house next door squished a little pond into their backyard. I think they have koi in there, but I'm not sure.」
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