[ ...niisan's so brave. so unbearably brave. he always has been, and tsukasa hums softly, wiggling his fingers until he can lace them between his older brother's. ]
You should at least be able to talk to Baba alone for a little while before they come back, so there's that...
[ he doesn't know how things will go; leo suzakura is a banned topic in their household, and has been since he asked too many questions when he was twelve, thirteen. he leans his head on his brother's shoulder, weary. ]
...I'll leave you two alone, [ mumbled ] and keep an eye out for Mom and Dad, so you can at least have a little warning. Is that okay?
[niisan's putting on an unbearably brave face is what he's doing, but the less tsukasa sees through that the better. he has to be strong. has to do this. tsukasa deserves a nice role model in his life, who doesn't run away or hide.
as someone implied in his memories, cowering hadn't changed anything. looking to the side, running away -- none of that had felt good, had changed a single thing, and
if that guy could stand on stage again, after whatever terrified him so badly, if he could play music after having lost everything (whatever that might've been), then leo tsuki... leo suzakura could too. as hard as it is, as terrified as he feels, as much as his legs locked up earlier at the thought.]
Mmhmm. Thanks. I'll let you know if she starts... [... you know...] So it's not just me in there. But I think she's the type to ride into the night anyway. I'd wanna do that, if I'm not goin' out doing something stupid.
[... okay, okay. he's gonna have time before his parents. at least a couple minutes. that's good.]
Me too. Baba seems like she'd just close her eyes after recounting another story and simply smile her way to Heaven.
[ how unbearable, though, to think of it; his voice wavers a little, and he squints to keep from tearing up any more than he already has. stop, stop: you're not a child anymore, tsukasa. you're almost an adult. act like it.
words he tells himself, his eighteenth birthday still far off (and twentieth farther still), but still wanting to seem more mature, more adult for those he wants to appear good in front of. ]
Fufu, I wonder if she'd rather go out with a bang too... Like saving the world, or something. [ a small smile, sad. weak. forced. ] Or maybe traveling back to the moon, like Kaguya-hime. Something lovely.
Kaguya-hime's probably one she'd like... or maybe Jiji'll meet her on her walk through the spider lily fields. He's been waitin' a while now, you know. They've got a lot to catch up on.
[they'd hold hands and laugh like leo remembers, more from baba than jiji, but he'd probably let loose at seeing his wife again. probably.
leo presses a kiss to the side of tsukasa's head, comfortingly, and mumbles quietly.]
You can cry, you know. You're the one that's been livin' with her this whole time. No one's gonna look down on you for it, or for not bein' able to talk... I don't care either.
[usually he'd tease now too, how nothing makes him happier than being able to comfort his baby bro, but. he's quiet, solemn in a way he usually isn't. mmmmmmm. he can be fine in front of others, the same bright leo they love, but it's wrong with tsukasa.]
She's not gone yet, Leonii. [ she's still here, still here. he slows when they reach the top, staring past the shrine to the house he'd just left. he switches to japanese, less out of habit and more because it's— easier, it's easier, to talk like this. ] Until she passes on, I don't want to... I want Baba's last memory of me to be one where I'm smiling, because I'm happy she lived.
[ ah, ahhh, leo... he returns the hug, turns his face into his shoulder for a second before he nods and steps away. to pull him along, wiping at his eyes with his free hand. ]
Of course~. Fufu, she'll be crying too, for the same reason... [ maybe their parents will too, and it won't be as much of a shitshow as he's imagining.
the house remains unchanged from the last time leo was in; baba is in her room, of course, and tsukasa hesitates at the door of it. he glances at his brother, flexing his fingers. ] ...Do you want to knock, or should I?
[ stalling for the time baba really doesn't have left, that they don't have before their parents come back. ]
[if he's given the choice, he'd just stand here and wait all day; a faint cough from within jerks his hand up and he hesitates, settling it into the door's handle and sliding it to the side quietly.
that's his answer. no knocking, just entering. the air's different than he last visited (with kuro, to leave a letter and take some of his things back), but there's baba, who hasn't noticed them just yet, and leo feels a shiver run down him at her being so... fatigued, maybe, is the word to use, so unlike the woman he'd sang with, swept with, grew up in the lap of.
all at once he wants to run, but he can't. tsukasa's at his side, he can't run. so he hesitantly calls out, feeling fifteen again.]
[ tsukasa leans against him reassuringly when baba looks up sharply; there's a moment, and she smiles wide despite the tears edging her eyes.
welcome home, Leo.
...he should leave them alone, like he said, but he curls his fingers into leo's shirt and closes his eyes. when leo moves to join baba on the bed, as she asks him to, patting the spot beside her, he'll move, but for now it's
it's so nice, to be with them again. them three. his heart aches for the kitchen, but this is fine, too. ]
[leo's smile trembles and he glances back at tsukasa, patting his head gently; he doesn't mind if his brother lingers, really, he knows the feeling tsukasa must have right now, and he shares it greatly. nostalgia leads him forward and he lays somewhat in the bed with their baba, like he's a child eager for one of her bedtime stories, burying his face into her shoulder.
he has so, so much to tell her, even if there's parts he doesn't want tsukasa to hear. he can leave those out for now, maybe. leave them for a little later.]
[ tsukasa doesn't follow, though he lingers at the door for a moment later before he steps out and slides it mostly closed—there's a little bit open so he can hear leo if he calls for him, but for the moment, he leaves to fix up some tea.
baba's favorite, like old times. for her part, the old woman pulls him close immediately, pressing her face into his hair with a sigh—and then come the questions, spirited despite her obvious fatigue. her first grandson has returned to her after all; she can spare a bit of life, a bit of energy, for this, for finding out just how he's been. it's much better to hear it in person, right beside her, honestly, and she strokes her fingers through his hair comfortingly as she divulges how things have been at home too, whatever tsukasa hasn't told him... primarily about her daughter and the man she married, their parents.
(tsukasa does his best not to bring mom and dad into the equation with leo, unless he's specifically asked about them, after all.) ]
[of course he wants to know about his parents. of course, it isn't like he hates them; he couldn't, they had only wanted the best for him, it just... wasn't what was right for him, for what he wanted to do, what he felt. he'll listen to all she has to offer, returning with the things he hadn't put in paper -- his first love and heartbreak, the... odd thing he's at now, with his heart pulled in so many different ways (nazu, gentle and warm, who loves him without condition; miai, whose love is genuine if stuttering at times, wanting to change and meet him across the river; ... mitzy, a stern young man with a hardworking heart, who is connected to him in a way he can't quite explain, that he wants to be spoiled by).
how he was now, the sort of work he likes and the people he knows, the music he plays and loves... leo still remembers how she taught him to tell stories best, and how they charm people even now, draw others close and give them daydreams. he misses it, honestly, but... he doesn't know if he's allowed back, if he could even consider it, given how he'd left.
(leo apologies for that too, voice growing quieter, for running away and all. how he'd been a coward, unable to be the older brother tsukasa needed and the son they'd wanted. he's been trying to be at least one of those now.)]
[ she doesn't fault him—it isn't as if she was perfectly behaved in her youth either, and she laughs softly recounting it. it might be more difficult to return, she continues even softer, but she believes there might a chance for him, if he really wants to.
his parents miss him too, even if they don't say so, even if they don't show it. she's sure they have to—he's their firstborn, after all. the one they loved enough to bring into this world, to take care of, to worry over and get mad at. she shifts topics though, just to ask him more about these people who's captured his heart so—and at some point during sena's, mention that she's met him before, when tsukasa brought him over last month. a respectful boy, very easy on the eyes. her darling grandson has good taste as ever. ]
[leo doesn't say anything to the parents bit, curling his hand against her blankets thoughtfully, and perks up to talk all about them. he clearly enjoys talking about nazu especially, bright and warm, but miai's is coated in fondness and wistfulness; sena's is similar to both, bright and longing, and he listens to her thoughts on the only one she'd met.
of course he has taste. ♪ he doesn't mind showing pictures of the others, dates with nazu (and some of nazu's Large Family -- he's the eldest son among all these siblings, he takes care of them all and leo helps), older pictures of miai back in japan... they're all lookers.
and, like. light haired. miai was blond back then, even if he'd had dark hair when they reunited. there's some pictures of that too, with leo having more piercings than the japan-based ones. leo would've invited both of them over to meet her if things weren't what they were, but he's glad she got to meet sena at least. he's a good guy, even if he takes some time to warm up to others ♥]
[ baba gives a very soft Hummmmmmm, teasing him about his taste—always on the lighter side of things, aren't they? maybe that's natural when it comes to people with dark hair, or maybe it's just the times... tsukasa, if she recalls, also likes (liked?) some fairly light-haired people. he's showed her on his phone, pictures of his friends, how fondly he talks of them...
she laughs again, closing her eyes, then quietly asks leo to look after him, now that he's home. to talk to their parents, too... at least try. she'd like things to be at peace again... she'd like to see his photos on the wall again. that's a little selfish to request, she knows, but it's an old woman's sentimental last wish. ]
the part he knew'd come up, and he's quiet as he buries his face more into her. baba... probably won't be alive to see if they ever are put up again, but every year she'd come to visit for a night, then leave relieved to know things were good. if they ever would.
okay, he finally says. i'll try, baba. i can try.
because he can't make promises he can't keep anymore, but he can say he'll try. he'd been meaning to talk to them today anyway. while he was around.]
[ she strokes his hair, comforting. this is a two way street, she knows; those two have to be willing to accept their first son as he is, as he's become. he's turned out to be such a wonderful adult, after all. this she means, giving him a squeeze.
after a long moment, she starts to sing; it's a song they used to sing together, an old love song she used to dance to, voice sweet but weaker than it used to be when he was younger. age hasn't taken her spirit, her love of this art and many others, but it has hampered it, somewhat. ]
[he almost protests that, that he hasn't become anything like that, but he's stopped at her song; gently, gently, it wraps around him and he breathes a little easier, the lump giving way to habit as he sings with her, voice strong but soft.
that's how tsukasa probably finds them, really. if he hasn't been found by their parents first.]
[ he, unfortunately, has been; wrapped up in talking to them, welcoming them home, hesitating at... at their questioning of why he has three teas on his tray. if he has a friend or two over, and why he didn't ask them first, and if it was really okay to have them over when such important matters were being discussed—
he bows his head and apologizes, stepping away. he'll fetch them right now; they're with baba, who was also going to be a recipient of this tea, so...
tsukasa knocks gently before he enters, smiling slightly at the song, at their voices mingling so wonderfully together... he shuts the door part ways behind him like before, setting the tray down at her bedside. ]
Sorry to interrupt. [ his voice is quiet, heavy. ] Baba, here's your tea. You too, Leonii. But...
[ he hesitates, chewing his bottom lip, and leans closer to leo. in english, now: ] Mom and Dad are back. They want to see what friend I brought over without their permission.
[... mm. speak of the devil and he shall appear, or so he's heard, and leo reluctantly peels away from baba to help her sit up more, present her her tea, and take his own.
also in english, very much pretending to be a lot more calm than he's actually feeling:] Good. Been waitin' to talk to them anyway.
[like. he says that. but his tea is shaking just a bit, which he sips at to disguise the fact.]
You wanna stay here? Or do you wanna come with me? It's probably gonna get loud, so...
[ baba sips her tea, giving them both a curious look, and tsukasa glances at her before he closes his eyes.
he wants to be there for leo, but he'd like to be here for baba, to make sure she isn't upset or agitated by the....... discussion there's sure to be... he's obviously torn, squeezing his cup tightly, before he slowly shakes his head and sets it back down. ]
I'll come with you. I'm niisan's ally, after all. [ he reaches for leo's hand, hesitates, and grips the hem of his shirt instead, like a child. ] If it gets too much, I'll come back to make sure Baba's not wound up or anything, but I want to be there for you, Leonii. I wish I'd been able to be back before you left.
[ but he was a stupid, stupid child, who didn't understand anything at all, so... ]
[... mm. tsukasa's older now, and even if he's not an adult in age nor maturity-- well, he's just past the age leo was when he up and left for japan, when he began really make his own decisions and pay for their consequences. leo can't protect tsukasa from everything, can't guide him properly or be the best big brother for him, but
but he nods and downs the rest of his tea carelessly, setting the empty cup aside and ignoring the burn of his tongue, his throat, as he turns back to their grandma and puts his hands around hers, a little more resolute when he speaks this time.]
Mom and Dad are back. I'm gonna talk to them. [... a small squeeze; he's scared, he's scared, he doesn't want to, but.] It isn't gonna go well, but it'll be okay. It's worse if I don't show my face to them.
[probably. leo reluctantly lets baba's hands go, moving to stand and take tsukasa's. it's okay, it's okay. this, too, is a part of growing up, and he's no longer the child they'd fought with before. whether they like it or not, he's seen the world and he's experienced all kinds of things; he's grown up, even if they wouldn't agree with baba's assessment of how well that'd gone.]
[ good luck, dear, baba replies, voice tinged with the hope that it will go well, that things will work out anyway, even despite how things are... stay optimistic.
tsukasa turns his face away, when leo takes his hands, when baba sips her tea and sets it in her lap. ah, it's terrifying, now. he'll have leo, of course, but their parents are already stressed and upset about the state of baba, and then obon's freshly done, but there's still more things to do, and...
he leads his older brother out of the room, shutting the door behind them. his tea's going to grow cold in there, but it's fine. he takes a deep breath, glancing at leo. ]
[he's not. he wouldn't ever be ready, not a day in his life; if he could've gone the rest of his life without seeing them again he would've, stomach twisting itself into knots, but. unfortunately. this is how it is, and he has to accept that.
the grin he gives tsukasa seems unburdened, but there's an underlying nervousness regardless.]
Yeah, of course. C'mon, the longer we make 'em wait the madder they'll be.
[leo knows this as fact, and though his feet feel heavier than anything in the world he starts them along, the halls familiar and yet so, so alien to him now. as if he doesn't belong.]
[ that's true, and tsukasa leans against him as they walk; he counts their steps, familiar with how long it takes to get to the front room, and pauses again at the door. exhales softly, shaking slightly, as he slides open the door.
the little talk that had populated the room stops immediately at the sight of leo, and tsukasa shrinks against him slightly. ]
...Leonii was around and wanted to pay his respects to Baba before she passed, [ he mumbles, not even sure if they heard him; they're more focused on his older brother, and as always, their expressions are a little hard to read.
instead of replying to tsukasa, their mother simply asks leo what he's doing here— it isn't like they didn't hear, but it's like, they want to hear him say it, sort of feeling. ]
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You should at least be able to talk to Baba alone for a little while before they come back, so there's that...
[ he doesn't know how things will go; leo suzakura is a banned topic in their household, and has been since he asked too many questions when he was twelve, thirteen. he leans his head on his brother's shoulder, weary. ]
...I'll leave you two alone, [ mumbled ] and keep an eye out for Mom and Dad, so you can at least have a little warning. Is that okay?
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as someone implied in his memories, cowering hadn't changed anything. looking to the side, running away -- none of that had felt good, had changed a single thing, and
if that guy could stand on stage again, after whatever terrified him so badly, if he could play music after having lost everything (whatever that might've been), then leo tsuki... leo suzakura could too. as hard as it is, as terrified as he feels, as much as his legs locked up earlier at the thought.]
Mmhmm. Thanks. I'll let you know if she starts... [... you know...] So it's not just me in there. But I think she's the type to ride into the night anyway. I'd wanna do that, if I'm not goin' out doing something stupid.
[... okay, okay. he's gonna have time before his parents. at least a couple minutes. that's good.]
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[ how unbearable, though, to think of it; his voice wavers a little, and he squints to keep from tearing up any more than he already has. stop, stop: you're not a child anymore, tsukasa. you're almost an adult. act like it.
words he tells himself, his eighteenth birthday still far off (and twentieth farther still), but still wanting to seem more mature, more adult for those he wants to appear good in front of. ]
Fufu, I wonder if she'd rather go out with a bang too... Like saving the world, or something. [ a small smile, sad. weak. forced. ] Or maybe traveling back to the moon, like Kaguya-hime. Something lovely.
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[they'd hold hands and laugh like leo remembers, more from baba than jiji, but he'd probably let loose at seeing his wife again. probably.
leo presses a kiss to the side of tsukasa's head, comfortingly, and mumbles quietly.]
You can cry, you know. You're the one that's been livin' with her this whole time. No one's gonna look down on you for it, or for not bein' able to talk... I don't care either.
[usually he'd tease now too, how nothing makes him happier than being able to comfort his baby bro, but. he's quiet, solemn in a way he usually isn't. mmmmmmm. he can be fine in front of others, the same bright leo they love, but it's wrong with tsukasa.]
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She's not gone yet, Leonii. [ she's still here, still here. he slows when they reach the top, staring past the shrine to the house he'd just left. he switches to japanese, less out of habit and more because it's— easier, it's easier, to talk like this. ] Until she passes on, I don't want to... I want Baba's last memory of me to be one where I'm smiling, because I'm happy she lived.
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Okay. Let's go show her our smiling faces then, Tsuka, and if I cry it's out of happiness to be reunited with Baba, not because her time is near.
[just. he knows he's gonna, a little, when he gets the chance to be close to her again.]
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Of course~. Fufu, she'll be crying too, for the same reason... [ maybe their parents will too, and it won't be as much of a shitshow as he's imagining.
the house remains unchanged from the last time leo was in; baba is in her room, of course, and tsukasa hesitates at the door of it. he glances at his brother, flexing his fingers. ] ...Do you want to knock, or should I?
[ stalling for the time baba really doesn't have left, that they don't have before their parents come back. ]
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that's his answer. no knocking, just entering. the air's different than he last visited (with kuro, to leave a letter and take some of his things back), but there's baba, who hasn't noticed them just yet, and leo feels a shiver run down him at her being so... fatigued, maybe, is the word to use, so unlike the woman he'd sang with, swept with, grew up in the lap of.
all at once he wants to run, but he can't. tsukasa's at his side, he can't run. so he hesitantly calls out, feeling fifteen again.]
Baba, I'm home.
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welcome home, Leo.
...he should leave them alone, like he said, but he curls his fingers into leo's shirt and closes his eyes. when leo moves to join baba on the bed, as she asks him to, patting the spot beside her, he'll move, but for now it's
it's so nice, to be with them again. them three. his heart aches for the kitchen, but this is fine, too. ]
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he has so, so much to tell her, even if there's parts he doesn't want tsukasa to hear. he can leave those out for now, maybe. leave them for a little later.]
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baba's favorite, like old times. for her part, the old woman pulls him close immediately, pressing her face into his hair with a sigh—and then come the questions, spirited despite her obvious fatigue. her first grandson has returned to her after all; she can spare a bit of life, a bit of energy, for this, for finding out just how he's been. it's much better to hear it in person, right beside her, honestly, and she strokes her fingers through his hair comfortingly as she divulges how things have been at home too, whatever tsukasa hasn't told him... primarily about her daughter and the man she married, their parents.
(tsukasa does his best not to bring mom and dad into the equation with leo, unless he's specifically asked about them, after all.) ]
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how he was now, the sort of work he likes and the people he knows, the music he plays and loves... leo still remembers how she taught him to tell stories best, and how they charm people even now, draw others close and give them daydreams. he misses it, honestly, but... he doesn't know if he's allowed back, if he could even consider it, given how he'd left.
(leo apologies for that too, voice growing quieter, for running away and all. how he'd been a coward, unable to be the older brother tsukasa needed and the son they'd wanted. he's been trying to be at least one of those now.)]
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his parents miss him too, even if they don't say so, even if they don't show it. she's sure they have to—he's their firstborn, after all. the one they loved enough to bring into this world, to take care of, to worry over and get mad at. she shifts topics though, just to ask him more about these people who's captured his heart so—and at some point during sena's, mention that she's met him before, when tsukasa brought him over last month. a respectful boy, very easy on the eyes. her darling grandson has good taste as ever. ]
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of course he has taste. ♪ he doesn't mind showing pictures of the others, dates with nazu (and some of nazu's Large Family -- he's the eldest son among all these siblings, he takes care of them all and leo helps), older pictures of miai back in japan... they're all lookers.
and, like. light haired. miai was blond back then, even if he'd had dark hair when they reunited. there's some pictures of that too, with leo having more piercings than the japan-based ones. leo would've invited both of them over to meet her if things weren't what they were, but he's glad she got to meet sena at least. he's a good guy, even if he takes some time to warm up to others ♥]
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she laughs again, closing her eyes, then quietly asks leo to look after him, now that he's home. to talk to their parents, too... at least try. she'd like things to be at peace again... she'd like to see his photos on the wall again. that's a little selfish to request, she knows, but it's an old woman's sentimental last wish. ]
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mm.
the part he knew'd come up, and he's quiet as he buries his face more into her. baba... probably won't be alive to see if they ever are put up again, but every year she'd come to visit for a night, then leave relieved to know things were good. if they ever would.
okay, he finally says. i'll try, baba. i can try.
because he can't make promises he can't keep anymore, but he can say he'll try. he'd been meaning to talk to them today anyway. while he was around.]
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after a long moment, she starts to sing; it's a song they used to sing together, an old love song she used to dance to, voice sweet but weaker than it used to be when he was younger. age hasn't taken her spirit, her love of this art and many others, but it has hampered it, somewhat. ]
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that's how tsukasa probably finds them, really. if he hasn't been found by their parents first.]
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he bows his head and apologizes, stepping away. he'll fetch them right now; they're with baba, who was also going to be a recipient of this tea, so...
tsukasa knocks gently before he enters, smiling slightly at the song, at their voices mingling so wonderfully together... he shuts the door part ways behind him like before, setting the tray down at her bedside. ]
Sorry to interrupt. [ his voice is quiet, heavy. ] Baba, here's your tea. You too, Leonii. But...
[ he hesitates, chewing his bottom lip, and leans closer to leo. in english, now: ] Mom and Dad are back. They want to see what friend I brought over without their permission.
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also in english, very much pretending to be a lot more calm than he's actually feeling:] Good. Been waitin' to talk to them anyway.
[like. he says that. but his tea is shaking just a bit, which he sips at to disguise the fact.]
You wanna stay here? Or do you wanna come with me? It's probably gonna get loud, so...
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he wants to be there for leo, but he'd like to be here for baba, to make sure she isn't upset or agitated by the....... discussion there's sure to be... he's obviously torn, squeezing his cup tightly, before he slowly shakes his head and sets it back down. ]
I'll come with you. I'm niisan's ally, after all. [ he reaches for leo's hand, hesitates, and grips the hem of his shirt instead, like a child. ] If it gets too much, I'll come back to make sure Baba's not wound up or anything, but I want to be there for you, Leonii. I wish I'd been able to be back before you left.
[ but he was a stupid, stupid child, who didn't understand anything at all, so... ]
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but he nods and downs the rest of his tea carelessly, setting the empty cup aside and ignoring the burn of his tongue, his throat, as he turns back to their grandma and puts his hands around hers, a little more resolute when he speaks this time.]
Mom and Dad are back. I'm gonna talk to them. [... a small squeeze; he's scared, he's scared, he doesn't want to, but.] It isn't gonna go well, but it'll be okay. It's worse if I don't show my face to them.
[probably. leo reluctantly lets baba's hands go, moving to stand and take tsukasa's. it's okay, it's okay. this, too, is a part of growing up, and he's no longer the child they'd fought with before. whether they like it or not, he's seen the world and he's experienced all kinds of things; he's grown up, even if they wouldn't agree with baba's assessment of how well that'd gone.]
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tsukasa turns his face away, when leo takes his hands, when baba sips her tea and sets it in her lap. ah, it's terrifying, now. he'll have leo, of course, but their parents are already stressed and upset about the state of baba, and then obon's freshly done, but there's still more things to do, and...
he leads his older brother out of the room, shutting the door behind them. his tea's going to grow cold in there, but it's fine. he takes a deep breath, glancing at leo. ]
...Are you ready, Leonii?
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the grin he gives tsukasa seems unburdened, but there's an underlying nervousness regardless.]
Yeah, of course. C'mon, the longer we make 'em wait the madder they'll be.
[leo knows this as fact, and though his feet feel heavier than anything in the world he starts them along, the halls familiar and yet so, so alien to him now. as if he doesn't belong.]
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the little talk that had populated the room stops immediately at the sight of leo, and tsukasa shrinks against him slightly. ]
...Leonii was around and wanted to pay his respects to Baba before she passed, [ he mumbles, not even sure if they heard him; they're more focused on his older brother, and as always, their expressions are a little hard to read.
instead of replying to tsukasa, their mother simply asks leo what he's doing here— it isn't like they didn't hear, but it's like, they want to hear him say it, sort of feeling. ]
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