「You're the one who was too busy for your big brother.」
[just a reminder. neutral toned, but a reminder.]
「... I'm glad you're busy, though. A boy your age should be. I mean, when I was your age I just...」
[ah, wow, he can
he can actually talk about things now, and his smile presses tight in a way that threatens tears again. he shakes it off, resting against the couch. this might just be when he was still in japan, when he hadn't quite returned to recolle, but. it's just the realization.]
「When I was your age,」[he starts fondly,]「when I was seventeen, I was dating Miai... Well, that was kind of near the end of it, honestly, but whatever. Still in Japan, making music like no one's business. When I wasn't playing small gigs, when I wasn't doing whatever with Miai, I liked to travel on the subways -- I wouldn't look at where I was going, I'd go and go just because. I saw a lot that way. He came with me when he wasn't busy, too, it was a youthful whirlwind..♪
So, you know, you're doing better than I was, actually. Going to school and all. I was just a free spirit, doing whatever I wanted when I wanted, even if it inconvenienced others... Mm, you don't want to hear me ramble, do you. Graduate for me, okay? Since your big brother refuses to.」
「I only pushed to go to school because Hinatan, Mafutan, and Antan all went, you know.」[ .......well, sometimes mafuyu went, but, ]「I mean, I wanted to go before, since that's what it was all about on TV, but... I wouldn't have been as extra insistent on attending if not for them.」
[ he'd asked, but only ever once, every so often. this past year though, he... ]
「And now I can't imagine not going, I guess.」[ he leans back, looking up at the ceiling. ]「I've got way more friends than just those three now... Miitan, Izutan, Chitan, Daipai... Well, Chitan and Daipai are graduated now, but... Xiaolang's starting high school this fall too. I'm gonna ask him if he wants to join art club.」
[ ♪ ]
「Yours sounds fun though.」[ like little road trips. ]「Is that how you got all those pictures you sent me?」
[it's amusing, keeping the names straight in his head, based purely on how much tsukasa'd talked about them; his little brother really did have his pick of friends, and at an important age too... maybe leo surrounded himself, but he can tell there's a difference between this and that. he'll have to thank them for being friends with tsukasa somehow.]
「Yup~. Every single one. It didn't stop after Miai left either... Might've taken more then than I ever had when we were together. I just wanted to get away.」
[he pauses, running his fingers through alexander's mane.]
「Everything dried up. I couldn't see colors, music was muffled... It felt like my fingers were numb. But I took pictures anyway, because I wanted to reassure you that things were fine, that I was still kicking. And then I came back to this city. Partly because I missed you, I missed home, but also...
... Well, Japan didn't have anything for me.」[which is unfair to say, between his band and what fans he'd had.]「Or at least I felt that way. So I came back, hoping to find those things again, and you were part of that. I was happy to see you happy, doing something you wanted to do that wasn't just being tutored by Mom and Dad. It revitalized me.」
「... Um, not really... We were small-time. Had enough in our first year together to keep us riding high in the second, but... it couldn't last, you know? We parted on good terms though, they got it. There's nothing you can do about a creative block.」
[brought on by one of the member's younger brother.]
well, he can't be mad about that; he assumed that his brother would be popular, his songs would be national, everyone would recognize how incredible he and whoever he picked up would be... ]
「I guess I really do own every CD you ever put out then, huh? And all your merch too. I was worried I'd be missing some pieces.」
「I don't think it was. Umm... You did something you wanted, and even if it was only for a little bit, um. You probably touched a lot of people's hearts... You might've been small-time, but you were still well-loved by your fans, right? I think that's nice, too.」
「Fuufuufuu~. My little brother is really so darling, isn't he, Alex-tan, Ajisai-tan~?」
[the lion gives a yawn, staring at tsukasa before lifting a paw to press on leo's back, grooming him.]
「H-Hey--! Alex-tan, not now..!」[like he has a choice.] 「Ugh~. Anyway, I guess you're right about that. ♪ Those fans... Few as they were at first, we had a pretty dedicated following by the time we disbanded.
Mm, it wasn't anything impressive, but you know what? All I could think was if I inspired one person the way I'd been, if I could manage even that... If I could perform a song and they felt it, connected with it, then it'd be worth it.」
[and he knows he managed that. he'd had to have; miai'd confessed to as much, too, but even besides him... out of all those people that heard, the ones that stuck around, those were the people who felt what he did.]
[ tsukasa gives a start, but— leo seems okay, and still able to talk, so he settles back and lets ajisai's purring sooth his worries. ]
「I always felt like that, but I don't know if I count... I'm your brother, after all. But listening to those songs always made me feel like you weren't so far away.」[ he closes his eyes, exhaling softly. ] 「I worked hard to learn them too, so we could sing them together if you ever visited... Even though I'm a terrible singer. I wanted to do it again, like we used to...
[hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh he's so thankful for alexander trapping him now, he feels like he could float right out of existence.]
「Tsuka... Of course you count..♪ You're my favorite, most precious baby brother, you know? There's no way, no way you wouldn't count. There's nothing stupid about it either~. Ah, with all the lessons I've given you, let's sing together at a high school talent show. ♪ I'll join in, I'll join in. ♪」
「How cruel, little brother, I look young enough don't I? ♪ I get it though, I get it, I saw it in the chat before..♪ You've promised yourself completely to Hina-tan after all, I never had a chance!」
[he's absolutely teasing the hell out of him, why wouldn't he.]
「I'd like that, though... Singing with you is one of the things that makes me happiest, Tsuka. Really-- Really happy.」
[he. won't cry again, but his voice waves just a bit there, just a bit.]
[ NO STOP, HE'S THE ONE WHO PUT IT LIKE THAT BUT HE'S STILL GROANING SOFTLY AND PRESSING HIS FACE INTO AJISAI... PLEASE........ ]
「You're the worst, Leonii... Please...」
[ umuuu... but... the wavering, how happy leo is at the thought... it's silly to think he'd been worried that his older brother didn't care about him or love him or miss him, probably, even if the fears were valid. ]
「...The next time you do a cat concert I'll help lead them. Um... How's that?」
[there's a lot more he has to work out himself. about himself, about his relationships with others, but that'll take time; for now he's let a weight off with tsukasa, and he'll keep to their shared promise of change too. he isn't the sort of live recklessly the way he was years ago. he knows he's got time.
he wipes at his face again, already feeling his cheeks heat up and eyes sting, ahh, ahh.]
「Tsuka... I'm sorry again, for hiding all that. I'm really happy right now. I'm... going to try and be more honest in the future too, so that if you have a question you can expect the truth -- and not me just half-assing it, trying to get by. Trying to be the big brother I think you deserve instead of the one you've got right now.」
[which. isn't a great one, but he's tsukasa's nonetheless. leo'll ruffle his hair.]
「I'm glad you'll never really have to deal with stuff like that. ♪ Being a big brother's harder work than anyone in the whole world realizes, you know? ♫ It's why Nazu and I get on so well, because we understand each other.」
[not... that he and nazuna are getting on particularly well right now, but tsukasa doesn't need to worry about that. if it comes up it comes up, but. that's an adult's problem and he's avoiding it. just for now, just for now.]
[ ...leo's so good to him, even if he's bad. tsukasa smiles, his eyes pricking again too, almost in automatic response. ]
「Is that why... Ahaha, I guess so.」[ makes sense tbh, ] 「Ajisai-tan was the youngest of her litter, right? I bet that's why her and I get along too. ♪」
[ RIGHT, LEO... RIGHT....... he kisses his cat's head affectionately, then kisses his big brother's cheek, too. ]
「I always wanted to be an older brother, though, but... It's a lot of work, looking after people.」[ given he sort of, with the gc, ]「I don't envy either of you.」
「Mm, yeah, but it's rewarding in its own way... Having people depend on you is nice, you know? Though you can get the same feeling from animals, which... is kind of why I collected so many of them, I guess. Over time.」
[because he likes to be depended on. without the high expectations bit.]
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no subject
[just a reminder. neutral toned, but a reminder.]
「... I'm glad you're busy, though. A boy your age should be. I mean, when I was your age I just...」
[ah, wow, he can
he can actually talk about things now, and his smile presses tight in a way that threatens tears again. he shakes it off, resting against the couch. this might just be when he was still in japan, when he hadn't quite returned to recolle, but. it's just the realization.]
「When I was your age,」[he starts fondly,]「when I was seventeen, I was dating Miai... Well, that was kind of near the end of it, honestly, but whatever. Still in Japan, making music like no one's business. When I wasn't playing small gigs, when I wasn't doing whatever with Miai, I liked to travel on the subways -- I wouldn't look at where I was going, I'd go and go just because. I saw a lot that way. He came with me when he wasn't busy, too, it was a youthful whirlwind..♪
So, you know, you're doing better than I was, actually. Going to school and all. I was just a free spirit, doing whatever I wanted when I wanted, even if it inconvenienced others... Mm, you don't want to hear me ramble, do you. Graduate for me, okay? Since your big brother refuses to.」
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[ he'd asked, but only ever once, every so often. this past year though, he... ]
「And now I can't imagine not going, I guess.」[ he leans back, looking up at the ceiling. ]「I've got way more friends than just those three now... Miitan, Izutan, Chitan, Daipai... Well, Chitan and Daipai are graduated now, but... Xiaolang's starting high school this fall too. I'm gonna ask him if he wants to join art club.」
[ ♪ ]
「Yours sounds fun though.」[ like little road trips. ]「Is that how you got all those pictures you sent me?」
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「Yup~. Every single one. It didn't stop after Miai left either... Might've taken more then than I ever had when we were together. I just wanted to get away.」
[he pauses, running his fingers through alexander's mane.]
「Everything dried up. I couldn't see colors, music was muffled... It felt like my fingers were numb. But I took pictures anyway, because I wanted to reassure you that things were fine, that I was still kicking. And then I came back to this city. Partly because I missed you, I missed home, but also...
... Well, Japan didn't have anything for me.」[which is unfair to say, between his band and what fans he'd had.]「Or at least I felt that way. So I came back, hoping to find those things again, and you were part of that. I was happy to see you happy, doing something you wanted to do that wasn't just being tutored by Mom and Dad. It revitalized me.」
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「What happened to your band? And everything you guys did? Mmm... Weren't you all popular?」
[ genuine questions. ]
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[brought on by one of the member's younger brother.]
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[ ...
well, he can't be mad about that; he assumed that his brother would be popular, his songs would be national, everyone would recognize how incredible he and whoever he picked up would be... ]
「I guess I really do own every CD you ever put out then, huh? And all your merch too. I was worried I'd be missing some pieces.」
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[he... didn't really get anywhere, or do anything. he's just a disappointment.]
「But it was nice. I wanna see Europe next, if we ever get the chance to get the hell out of here.」
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[ (pompoms) ]
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[the lion gives a yawn, staring at tsukasa before lifting a paw to press on leo's back, grooming him.]
「H-Hey--! Alex-tan, not now..!」[like he has a choice.] 「Ugh~. Anyway, I guess you're right about that. ♪ Those fans... Few as they were at first, we had a pretty dedicated following by the time we disbanded.
Mm, it wasn't anything impressive, but you know what? All I could think was if I inspired one person the way I'd been, if I could manage even that... If I could perform a song and they felt it, connected with it, then it'd be worth it.」
[and he knows he managed that. he'd had to have; miai'd confessed to as much, too, but even besides him... out of all those people that heard, the ones that stuck around, those were the people who felt what he did.]
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「I always felt like that, but I don't know if I count... I'm your brother, after all. But listening to those songs always made me feel like you weren't so far away.」[ he closes his eyes, exhaling softly. ] 「I worked hard to learn them too, so we could sing them together if you ever visited... Even though I'm a terrible singer. I wanted to do it again, like we used to...
Ahaha, that's stupid, isn't it? Really childish.」
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「Tsuka... Of course you count..♪ You're my favorite, most precious baby brother, you know? There's no way, no way you wouldn't count. There's nothing stupid about it either~. Ah, with all the lessons I've given you, let's sing together at a high school talent show. ♪ I'll join in, I'll join in. ♪」
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[ if there's a talent show it's gonna be him and his bestie, ]
「We... We can do it some other time, if you really want to.」
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[he's absolutely teasing the hell out of him, why wouldn't he.]
「I'd like that, though... Singing with you is one of the things that makes me happiest, Tsuka. Really-- Really happy.」
[he. won't cry again, but his voice waves just a bit there, just a bit.]
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「You're the worst, Leonii... Please...」
[ umuuu... but... the wavering, how happy leo is at the thought... it's silly to think he'd been worried that his older brother didn't care about him or love him or miss him, probably, even if the fears were valid. ]
「...The next time you do a cat concert I'll help lead them. Um... How's that?」
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[honestly. honestly, honestly. his voice softens, warm and fond.]
「I can't think of anything I'd want more than that.」
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「...Really? Nothing more?」
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[there's a lot more he has to work out himself. about himself, about his relationships with others, but that'll take time; for now he's let a weight off with tsukasa, and he'll keep to their shared promise of change too. he isn't the sort of live recklessly the way he was years ago. he knows he's got time.
he wipes at his face again, already feeling his cheeks heat up and eyes sting, ahh, ahh.]
「Tsuka... I'm sorry again, for hiding all that. I'm really happy right now. I'm... going to try and be more honest in the future too, so that if you have a question you can expect the truth -- and not me just half-assing it, trying to get by. Trying to be the big brother I think you deserve instead of the one you've got right now.」
[which. isn't a great one, but he's tsukasa's nonetheless. leo'll ruffle his hair.]
「I'm glad you'll never really have to deal with stuff like that. ♪ Being a big brother's harder work than anyone in the whole world realizes, you know? ♫ It's why Nazu and I get on so well, because we understand each other.」
[not... that he and nazuna are getting on particularly well right now, but tsukasa doesn't need to worry about that. if it comes up it comes up, but. that's an adult's problem and he's avoiding it. just for now, just for now.]
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「Is that why... Ahaha, I guess so.」[ makes sense tbh, ] 「Ajisai-tan was the youngest of her litter, right? I bet that's why her and I get along too. ♪」
[ RIGHT, LEO... RIGHT....... he kisses his cat's head affectionately, then kisses his big brother's cheek, too. ]
「I always wanted to be an older brother, though, but... It's a lot of work, looking after people.」[ given he sort of, with the gc, ]「I don't envy either of you.」
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[because he likes to be depended on. without the high expectations bit.]